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· Registered
2,969 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Thought this was cute and harmless enough to share....

Subject: Qantas

Funny reading, especially if you fly.
Subject: Qantas

Just in case you need a laugh:
Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high
school diploma to fix one. Reassurance for those of us who fly routinely in
our jobs.

After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a
"gripesheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics
correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then
pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said
that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance
complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and the
solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never, ever, had
an accident.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget
pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

· Premium Member
10,192 Posts
I've read those before, but they still make you laugh. My favorite story about an airlines was;

A American pilot was landing in Frankfort Germany for the 1st time. He missed his taxiway causing the ground controller to become upset. In his matter of fact english, the German ground controller asked the pilot, "have you never been to Frankfort before? The pilot responded, well only once in 1945, but we didn't land.

He then got more courteous instructions.

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